Goodnight Gladys...

Be prepared for a lot of reading. As I said in an earlier post, I have been very nostalgic lately. Over the last couple of days, I have experienced a few EUREKA moments as to why.

9 is my favourite number. I am obsessed by 9s. As a result, I am obsessed by 3s as 3 is the perfect square of 9 which makes 3=9. Yes, I am neurotic and I am well aware of it. If only you knew just how neurotic I actually was.

3 years ago a lot of things happened during this time of year that were both happy and tragic. I was in a wonderful play with the best ensemble ever and it was the best experience I have had on and off stage (even so it started off rocky). The reason why it was rocky is somewhat explained in my old blogs below. I want to clarify why the Stage Manager drove me insane! I have worked both on and off stage. My first role as Stage Manager was for "The Sound of Music". That is no easy task especially when you have over 80 cast and crew members ranged from aged 8 to 80+. It was also the first production where the Director let go and allowed the Stage Manager to call the entire show and run every aspect of rehearsals and performances. So really, in the end (and how it was listed in the bill) my role was Stage Manager/Performance Coordinator. I was thrown into the fire to speak and I didn't get burned once. The Stage Manager for this production had to manage a cast and crew of 10 and she did not do her job properly. And to make it worse (in my eyes) was that this was not her first experience as Stage Manager. We also had a cast member where this was his first on stage role. He was just not getting it and was using this play to overcome social anxiety issues. 5 weeks before opening curtain, he bows out. My feelings were he should have bowed out the first moment he thought it would be an issue instead of waiting til the end for us to find a replacement. We started rehearsals on Valentine's day 2006 (which was the 13th anniversary of my Grandmother's death which on the day she died was the Sunday of the opening weekend of a musical I was in "South Pacific". The cast and crew of that production made that day a little more bearable and I will write about that at another time). We dedicated our first rehearsal to the memory of my Grandmother. Our final curtain for this production was in June 2006.

It was also during this time (March 26th) that Gord and I reconnected after not talking for a couple of years through the following email: "If it is then this is a silly question because of it's blatant obviousness, but,....

Is that you Vern?


If so Email me back At xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

If it is not you, I apologize"

He had been doing online searching for me for awhile as my number was unlisted and had come across my e-mail address that was listed on a site I use to have. I realized the other night after I posted my blog about him that the reason he has such a huge affect on me is because he is my constant. He is my string. His love and support is what has gotten me through the last 18 years of my life, both the good and the bad. It doesn't matter what may be going on around me, as long as I have Gord by my side, it is all OK.

Three years ago today, I suffered a major stroke. I had many TIAs prior as a result of my Lupus, but this stroke landed me in ICU for a week and many months of rehab and having to relearn how to dress myself, eat and walk. I am happy to report today (aside from some left-sided weakness when I am tired or stressed and issues with communication) I have made a full recovery.

In August 2006, one of my closest friends committed suicide. Well the drug overdose happened in June while I was in the hospital recovering from my stroke but they pulled the plug in August and that is when she legally died.

So please bear with me and read the following blogs surrounding my last play. And if you read it all, I want to thank you for allowing me to share this with you. I find it very difficult at times to share the things that are most important to me, things that are of a soul nature, things that I consider private. Normally I ponder these things and am able to work through it on my own. However this time I am having a hard time doing it without having an outlet to release all that I am thinking. Writing this blog today will hopefully allow me to release some of the pressure that is building up that I am unable to think away.

A Woman Possessed - February 26, 2006

Well it's only two weeks into rehearsals and I am already possessed and it has already taken over my life. I had forgotten how quickly it happens.

We have to be off book by next rehearsals and finished our organic blocking. I spent 6 hours working on my script today and its all I can do to not look at it anymore today. It keeps calling out to me, read me read me. I got so frustrated with it today that I got a headache. I have done everything I can think of to take my mind off of it for the day, even watch my favorite show Twin Peaks but its not working.

I hate spring production because of this. Rehearsal schedule is 7 week shorter than the winter production and we show it longer and take it to competition. The competition is always fun, but the crunch and the added pressure wears on me at times. Pretty soon I will start behaving like my character on a daily basis, that is when it gets really scary. After my last production, it took me close to 6 months to completely get my character out of my day to day life. However, the smallest little trigger and I switch back into her, accent and all. I can still remember every single line from that play and its been awhile since it was performed.

Getting on stage for the first time (which we do this Tuesday) and doing the physical blocking is always interesting. Its funny how you can remember all of your lines sitting down, but as soon as you go to do them on your feet for the first time (well the first few time) and have to think about your lines while thinking about where you should be on stage, they completely fly out of your brain.

God, someone help me put my script out of my head!!!

Wow - March 10, 2006

So I just finished week 4 of rehearsals tonight and on the way home, a fellow cast member and I were talking about how far ahead we are compared to past productions. It is actually kind of scary progressing so quickly. Normally when this happens, there are problems later on trying to find the original energy again when it gets closer to curtain. As well, since we are taking this production to competition, we have to keep that energy alive for 2 months longer than normal. And because we are so far ahead, I am finding myself being extra critical of myself when I make small mistakes. This was the first week were suppose to be off book and I have had my lines memorized since the first week. But because I got them so fast, I am not giving myself any room for mistakes and I must remember we are just beginning and to relax.

Because we are so far ahead, the director gave us next week off, however we are still going to get together on rehearsal nights without the director to work things on our own in a more relaxed setting and have fun with it. The stage manager says she may come and help out and I wish she wouldn't. I am having a hard time not being frustrated with her. She keeps jumping my lines and prompting me when I do not need it or am not asking to be prompted. Some actors are okay with that, but I find it very rude and annoying. It ruins my concentration and flow and some pauses are purposeful, yet she decides to give me my line and I just want to yell I KNOW!! She is new with our theater company and is still learning our ways, but apparently this isn't her first time being a stage manager and she should know stage etiquette. She also has a very bad habit of directing us and telling us where we should be on stage and I want to yell YOU ARE NOT THE DIRECTOR. She just doesn't give the cast enough time to do their job before she takes over and it is very very hard to work with when certain people are over stepping what their duty is within the group. Hopefully she catches on quick, but after a month, you would think she would learn the rules.

Thankfully though we have a very nice small close-knit cast. It is such a blessing and a relief and makes the work involved so much better. We are very good at giving each other compliments and showing we appreciate each other. And the energy we give each other on stage is awesome. It is so very nice when the actor you are working with gives you the right energy to feed off of and react to. Makes your job as an actor a million times easier. My primary scene partner is the best partner I have ever had. Whenever we have worked together, whether on stage or behind, he has been a tremendous support and is just a very very generous person. There is nothing better than finishing your scene with a person and them giving you a huge hug and telling you, you were excellent, job well done and thank you for that. My director as well gave me a huge thank you tonight for bringing such energy to the stage tonight and setting the bar for the evening. It felt good especially since I had just finished beating myself up inside for making a small mistake.

I will be very sad when the final curtain happens on this production.


BAH - April 5, 2006

Soooooo we are a month until the play opens and the jackass that has been holding us back hasn't made any improvement and another person isn't working as hard as they should be either. It is so bad right now, that last night I had a nightmare about opening night. When I was talking about it with another cast member tonight, the look of terror on his face was priceless because he is having the same feelings as what happened in my nightmare last night.

Last week, the jackass dumps on us that he thinks this play and the pressure of it is making his depression worse and he just wont stop making excuses for everything instead of listening to direction and doing as he is told. After rehearsals tonight, I was talking about it with the cast member who I told my nightmare to. He is absolutely fantastic to work with and he paid me the greatest compliment tonight, well two: one at rehearsals and one while we were having our hour long talk after rehearsals, and I almost cried. He called me a veteran actor which coming from someone who is almost twice my age and has been doing this for as long as I have been alive and I think is absolutely wonderful felt really great. He also said that everyday, I blow him away with my ability to take any direction and immediately get it right and never having to get the same note twice and never having to go over a scene more than once because I nail it every time. We have a director that constantly likes to change things every rehearsal and I am always right on top of it.

So anyway, we were talking for about an hour in his car in front of my house about the play and about the jackass and about how wonderful he thinks it is that he is getting to work with me. And we were both talking about how him and I have been pretty much saddled with getting this guy into shape and how we have both told this guy, if its affected his mental health, then maybe he should quit. We have someone very capable waiting to take over who we are very confident will be at 100 percent in the month we have till we open. The director was having a talk with him as we were leaving, so I hope after tonight he decides to step down. What scares me the most is he keeps bringing up that he almost failed a uni course because he cannot speak in front of people. Then WTF are you doing on stage!?!?!?! You don't use a play that is going to competition for therapy!!!! I feel like such a bitch for saying this, but if he doesn't decide to quit tonight, when I have to work with him tomorrow, I am going to try my best to convince him its the best thing for his mental well-being. It is not good for anyone to be under so much stress worrying about one person and if he is going to freeze up or not (which is the smallest concern with him right now) and its certainly not fair to those of us who are doing the work and busting our asses on this.

The stage manager is still a pain in the ass as well, but finally the director put her in her place tonight. So we will see tomorrow what is going on. Crosses fingers that he does see he needs to quit.

WHEW - April 9, 2006

Finally had a wonderful rehearsal on Thursday night. My dear friend Randy agreed to take over the part for the person who has clueless. We had so much fun with it for once, it was a huge relief. Got more work done on Thursday than we have gotten done in weeks.

So Randy and I decided to go out last night since it is our last chance to be able to go out and blow off some steam for 5 weeks now that we are into our weekend rehearsal schedule and the opening in a few weeks. We went out for dinner, dancing and then visited graveyards and laid down on some graves. We almost got ourselves kicked out of the restaurant because we were so goofy. Then once we started dancing, we danced for over 2 hours straight before we took our first break. I think the funniest part of the evening was watching this girl who was so wasted she couldn't even stand up or open her eyes and some guy was dancing with her and having to hold her up and she was like a rag doll. Amazingly enough she was able to keep a hold of her glow stick. The other funniest part was when the waitress decided to cut me off. Why is that funny you ask, because I had nothing to drink!!!! One thing I love about going out dancing is watching all the drunk people and all the people who think they can dance and you just want to yell PUT IT AWAY!!!! At the place I go dancing (which is about an hour out of town), you can call how the evening will go by what time it is. I was telling Randy when we got there okay for the next hour it will be mostly guys showing up. Then at 10, the girls will start arriving in packs together. And then just around 11, the girls will form there little circle on the dance floor and do their come get me dances with each other. Sure enough, that is exactly how the night proceeded. We had a very good laugh over the predictability of the situation. The oddest part of the evening was Randy running into a bunch of people he knew. We never thought in a million years we would run into anyone, and there were at least 20 people he knew there from HS. It was like an unwanted HS reunion. But all and all it was a wonderful evening.

God, am I ever sore today.


3 Weeks To Go - April 14, 2006

Until opening night. And I got a whole 30 seconds on stage tonight. I am so frustrated right now I could cry. We had our nightly after rehearsal talk and wind down and our director is saying "Okay Jen and Randy got the time they need to work on things and now we need to work on Eric." I am sitting there thinking WTF WHAT ABOUT MY TIME!!!!

Tonight I got to run my scene only once, and not a single note, no feedback, nothing. On the way home when Eric and I were talking he was saying well take it as a good thing that Dena isnt worried about you at all and you are a veteran and if anything does need to get worked you will pick it up right away. Still, however, I need the time now. The scene I did tonight, I haven't really done in 3 weeks and I felt lost. The director didnt think so, but I feel it and that is what matters. If I don't get more time to work on things on Tuesday, I will not be a happy camper.

WOOHOO - May 3, 2006

So the time is finally here. Tomorrow night is opening night. It seemed not too long ago that it would never come, but here it is.

Unfortunately, dress rehearsals last night went amazingly well. There was a prop malfunction and a costume malfunction but no serious mess ups which means tomorrow night we may be danger danger. In the theatre, you want a bad dress rehearsal because it means you will have an awesome opening night and if you have a good dress you will have a bad opening night

I am so antsy and even though I was looking forward to having a night finally to myself with nothing to do, I am finding that it really SUCKS. And even though I am beyond tired and burnt out right now, I have tons of energy and am extremely bored at the moment. I thought I would be so sick of being around people constantly 24/7 that tonight would be a welcomed solice, but I actually miss being around people and having someone constantly in my space. Very very odd indeed for me.

I cannot wait to be in front an audience finally tomorrow night. The rush is fantastic!!! I never get nervous before a show, its after the bows that I get nervous and worry about how people enjoyed it, but before hand I am super hyped.

Hopefully I find a nice distraction tonight because right now I am just driving myself insane!!!


WHAT A RUSH!!! - May 5, 2006

So last night was opening night and what a rush!!! I had forgotten just how much of a rush it is and exactly how much I have missed it.

We got a standing ovation and the tears were a flowing at the end. One comment was that there isn't enough paper tissue in the world to deal with the end of the play.

When we were done our first act and were at intermission, we were so depressed because it meant that much closer to our last show. I cannot say enough about the wonderful cast and crew that I get to work with. Its very nice having such a close-knit cast where we just intuitively know what we need from each other.

I cannot wait to do it all again tonight!


What a Fucking Night!!!!!!! - May 6, 2006

Well so much for having a great dress rehearsal and a great opening night. We had complete havoc tonight. Anything awful that could go wrong did!!!

First, while I am helping with a costume change backstage, I get an elbow in the eye which caused me to lose a contact. So, I have to go on stage to do my next scene blind as a bat and with an eye that is swelling up. The stage manager found my contact but it was already drying up and making that awful crackling noise. So, I had to send one of the other backstage people downstairs to find my contact solution and quickly try to repair my contact before it cracked and became useless. I saved it just in time for my next scene. From now on, I am wearing my glasses.

So all is well and I break down in tears during intermission. So Act 2 rolls around. It's the start of the fight scene. Randy does his punch to Eric. Eric collapses on the bed as usual and throws himself back and as his head is flying back, CRACK, it connects with the metal corner of the night table and splits open his head. They are still fighting not realizing he is bleeding all over the place. Its time for my entry, and as I am saying the lines, "What is going on in here?" then walking over to help Eric in bed and saying "Why is he hanging out of bed? Don't you know this is a very sick man?" I notice a pool of blood on the floor stage right (all the action this moment is stage left). I try and get him into bed without the audience seeing the blood on the floor while still doing my lines and saying OH FUCK over and over again in my head. I was also thinking will the other actors be able to keep it together when they cross over and notice the pool of blood on the floor. I put him in bed while saying all the rest of my lines and pull my hand out from under his head to see my hand and arm covered in blood and look down and its all over my uniform. I quickly do the rest of my lines and exit to quickly inform the stage manager and our director in the booth that there has been a serious accident on stage. The rest of the actors did not know until they crossed over to stage right to see all the blood on the floor.

So there is still 15 minutes left in this final scene with a guy laying in bed with his head bleeding like a son of a bitch. Thank God, he is a dr and my dr and two other drs were in the audience tonight. So as they are finishing off the show, I am busy backstage coordinating the pressure bandage and ice and making sure everything he will need to get the bleeding under control is waiting for him when he makes his exit. As we go dark before our bows, I quickly rush on stage to help him off the bed making sure the pillow is still applying pressure and to let him know the ice is waiting.

We get downstairs and all the drs come down and I am helping them get the bleeding and everything under control. We deal with him everything is calm and Randy breaks down because he feels that the punch is what caused the injury and he has been a mess for the rest of the night. Everyone is finally calm and we think okay its over nothing else can possibly go wrong. WRONG AGAIN!!!!

The stage manager is going upstairs to put some things up on the stage and she falls down the stairs. We all get over that and think okay we all better leave before something else happens.

We are all out of the hall getting into our cars and thinking okay nothing else bad can happen. WRONG YET AGAIN!!!! As I am closing the car door, my foot gets caught between the door frame and the dash of the car and I slam my foot when I shut the door.

Randy and I just started to laugh and he said that's it, we are walking home otherwise we wont make it home alive. But we drove and we are alive and now we are going to try and put this night behind us forever!!!!

What An Emotional Night - May 14, 2006

So last night was our final curtain before we go to competition on the 25th. It was a very emotional night for the cast. We were crying even before it was over. We are such a close cast and on the same page when it comes to everything from sense of humour to work ethics to the vision of the play that it will be very hard to put this performance to bed.

This production is our director's 50th play that she has produced for the adult part of our theatre. After we were finished our bows, we surprised her with flowers and a card and there wasnt a dry eye in the house.

I received wonderful flowers and a very touching card from Eric and I wish he waited till after the performance to give them to me because that in itself made me cry. I also got some very heartfelt words from Randy when I got the cast and crew to sign my program at the end of the night that made me cry when I got around to reading what everyone had to say this morning.

If we don't win our zone competition, we will be very sad indeed since we could perform this forever and never get tired of it. Every performance is like its the first performance with this cast, which is very hard to accomplish. This is the first play I have been in where I haven't wanted to kill someone and couldn't wait for it to be over. Well, before Randy took over, there was one cast member that drove me nuts, but the past 5 weeks have been such a pleasure. The stage manager is still a retard, however the cast makes it better.

Goodnight Gladys...



julia sherred